literature

Relating and Reciprocating

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Parsat's avatar
By
Published:
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Literature Text

For you my thoughts go oft astray,
In all the watching and the waiting,
I'm driven to my knees to pray
For you, my thoughts go oft astray.
And though I know not what to say,
The rush I feel is still elating,
For you my thoughts go oft astray
In all the watching and the waiting.
Just a simple triolet to fit the mood. Nothing real special here.
© 2015 - 2024 Parsat
Comments3
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Darkfireangel99's avatar
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Technique
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Impact

It's short and sweet, which I like. It could have more emotion in it, which would certainly add. Word choice is excellent. 'Oft' and 'Astray' are uncommon, and I love that you used them. The repetition is nice and adds to the piece. The pacing is interesting, although I had to read it over a couple times. Overall, it's pretty good, although the emotion fails to reach me. I understand it but I don't feel it. That connection is vital to literature, especially poetry. If I felt the emotion in this work, I definitely would rate it higher. Other than that, it's amazing and the word choice definitely made me smile and caught my attention. I look forward to reading more of your work.