literature

Fallen

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Literature Text

We fell, and there was none to pick us up,
Divided in the darkness, eyes obscured,
We thought this loneliness was but the cup
To drink alone and merely be endured.

         We fell without a friend to pick us up
         And ached for healing, that we could be cured.

She fell, and there was none to stand upon
When seared her conscience was, and bound in chains,
And I fell too, my strength completely gone,
For I could weep no more, nor soothe my pains.

         She fell, and fresh new battle lines were drawn,
         For loss had bloomed where once was glorious gains.

I fell, and though light shone I walked in shade,
My soul revolting at the thought of food.
With nowhere left to go, what kind of aid
Could I expect? What solace to conclude?

         I fell as hard as desperately I prayed
         For evil to be overcome by good.

You fell, a sacrifice that still rings true
And overcame in blood and loss our own,
No longer by trauma but made new,
And in that awful grace now further grown.

         You fell, and what sweet love was shown
         That changed this life and point of view?
An inverted refrain for ProjectDFC. I actually like this form quite a bit, but I didn't make the summary lines an exact rehash like the example. I think more can be done with those lines, still keeping with the spirit but still seeking to expand.

Written about one of the hardest times spiritually I had to face, but one that completely shaped who I was. Takes some inspiration from Psalm 107.
© 2014 - 2024 Parsat
Comments1
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LegolasPanther's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

This piece to me was amazingly written. What I foresaw in this work was the power of the emotion. It was raw and strong between the two individuals mentioned within it.

Your style on the inverted refrain is very different as well, it doesn't have the original tetrameter, but rather the pentameter pattern. It is both different and unique for this style. I also love how you displayed it, its very unique, and provides analytical thought in-between the stanzas.

In summarization, this poem is a very well written piece, and I suggest that you should write more poetry <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt=":-)" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="392" title=":-) (Smile)"/>

Sincerely~

Legolaspanther~