Wheee, so this is a super belated sorta-kinda critique that I have owed you forever.
I'm not good at forms, and I know the alliterisen is so difficult, [One of my least favorite forms. ] so I can't help much on that front. However, this is wonderful you really capture the atmosphere wonderfully, a little bit of grit and that touch of a spiritual element. I absolutely adore the first two lines, Incense glow sending ghosts From hurting hearts to empty boasts: They're just fantastic, really.
The only thing I could possibly be nitpicky about is the last line, it is just a teensy bit not as strong as the rest of the poem [but the alliteration is spot on.]. Other than that everything fits so well together and you really manage to pack a punch in such few words. ♥
Thanks for the critique. The alliterisen is not one of my favorites either; I like form but I feel it's more arbitrary than helpful. I would agree the last line is a bit short...I was really mulling over several possibilities, but none seemed that great. Still, I'm glad I managed to pull off that sucker for DFC!